IMPERIAL LEATHER SOAP - A letter
Dear Mr/Mrs Leather,
I like your soap in that, well, it's soap. It gets soapy. Decent lather. (More on that later.) And when I was a kid, I thought the fact that your soap had a sticker on it was pretty cool. These days, not so much. For whilst I can appreciate the logistical hurdles you surely needed to overcome to achieve adhesion, I cannot for the life of me see the point of it, given you've got your name etched into the other side of the soap. Yes, it's a nice gimmick. But can't you think of something a bit less resource-dependent? Like maybe etching your name in both sides? Or trusting that people will actually remember the brand they've purchased even when only seeing the name fifty percent of the time? Because all that bloody sticker does is either go down the drain (seriously not cool) or make a part of the soap unusable. That's like a television company putting its logo in the centre of the screen. Smart TV or not, that ain't smart.
And whilst we're about it, can you stopping bloody wrapping each individual bar of soap in plastic? That's not just unnecessary and environmentally irresponsible, it's annoying. I don't even wrap Christmas presents in two layers. Why on earth do you do it? Do you think the 'cool' corners on your soap need that ‘next-level’ sliver of protection? Because they don't. You know why? BECAUSE SOAP DOES NOT NEED CORNERS.
Your soap, as I said, is nice enough. But I'm not going to buy it until you get woke on your branding and packaging. And speaking of branding, I have to ask, is your name actually a misprint that's lasted too long to correct? Surely Imperial LATHER would have made for a much better name. Lather, see, is a soapy thing. Your soap does it. But when I think of leather, I don't think of skin that needs washing; I think of skin that needs to be made into a wallet or a boot. Are you saying you think I've got skin like a wallet or a boot? Is that what you're saying to me, Impy?
That's it from me.
Best of luck with your product.
Regards, Mike.