I've not enjoyed the last couple of weeks. They've left me feeling pretty flat, pretty resentful. I've found it hard to muster the degree of enthusiasm and optimism that comes quite naturally to me. Yes, my sense of humour tends towards the witheringly sarcastic, but that's really just how I go about the business of making people laugh.
What's got me down? The Voice debate. Yes, I'm sure a few of you will want to stop reading now. Mueller, banging on about the bloody voice again. Well, yes and no. This is more about how I'm feeling, and how I'm dealing with it all. Because this whole thing is pretty personal to me. I might not be Indigenous, but my family is. My wife, my kids, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and my nieces. This isn't politics to me; it's a public vote on the basic value of who we are. Trust me, you don't want that kind of vulnerability. Maybe, if you're family, a friend, colleague, former colleague or former student, you'll keep reading. I'd sure appreciate it if you did.
This debate hurts, it really does. Hearing people say 'no' - no matter how they say it - feels like a palm to the chest that's pushing me backwards. Pushing me away. My wife, my kids. What really hurts is that I know some of the people I consider myself really close to are planning to vote 'no'. I can tell by their silence. They don't want to tell me they're going to do so. They're committed to the idea that it's a private decision. Perhaps they're aware that their actions are going to hurt me? I don't know. Are they ashamed? I don't know. Or is it just the fear of being called racist? I do wonder. Many I am sure are of the opinion that recognition in the Constitution would be okay, but this is too much. It's divisive, bureaucratic, expensive, redundant. We're one country, after all.
And yet, if you're black, it just isn't. We're not one country. We're one country imposed onto many. One country that tried - via everything from Latin legalise to smallpox-infest blankets - to erase those countries. I've learned my history. I'm not black but it's still my history, and it burns into you if you encounter it, just as it should. All nations have scars; nothing wrong with wanting to own ours, I don't think.
That silent 'no' is a rejection of not just the pain of that history, but the desire for a future in which we can be better. That's just how it feels. I mean, I'm not sure what else Aboriginal Australia is meant to do after decades of pain and being ignored, other than to try and be a part of the change that's required. It's up to Aboriginal people, I hear so many say. Can't keep throwing money at a problem – I hear that one quite a bit, too. And yet, when there's a desire to try another tack, when Aboriginal people try to do exactly what their critics have accused them of not doing, the answer is 'no'. Truly, I just don't get it.
The simple fact is this: voting 'no' hurts people. Maybe you think it doesn't, but you're plain wrong. I know this because I'm hurting, for myself, my family, my friends, my country. And my country is their country. I'm a rabbit. I don't care how many generations you've lived here, but unless you're Indigenous, you'll always be a rabbit, too. They're not rabbits. They're numbats. Some of us non-numbats aren't actually rabbits, either. Some are cane toads and feral cats and all manner of other nasty, corrosive things. Christ, they've done some damage, and they're not done yet.
It's painful knowing that friends - decent people - are somehow okay with voting in a way that empowers the worst of Australia's racist underbelly. I'm sure they don't think that's the case, or that they can't be held responsible for this, for simply wanting to avoid some problematic 'advisory council' - whatever that is - but how else can it logically be seen? There's no neutrality in a binary vote; it's pretty much one thing or the other.
This debate sucks, it truly does. It's sad that so many people seem more worried and upset about being accused of being racist than trying to address the consequences of racism. Is voting 'no' a racist act? Honestly, I don't think there's any point in answering that question, but I know that a vote of 'yes' would make a lot of Australians feel good about who they are, and that's a group who've felt an awful lot of pain simply for being who they are for one heck of a long time. A voice to parliament won't fix that overnight. It'll probably take generations. But at least they'll feel heard. With any luck, they might actually BE heard.
We Australians are folk who like to believe in the idea the fair go. But do we really? Do we really want things to be fair? Do we actually want those who are just different - the first among equals - to have that acknowledged, and to have the injustice of their profound mistreatment addressed? You'd think it'd be a no-brainer. At least, that's what I thought. Call me naive, I guess. The fact this, there's still an awful lot of resistance to the idea that Aboriginal people deserve this; they've earned it and then some.
I grew up in a hideously racist town. Geraldton. Boys I went to school with would watch the brutal film, 'Romper Stomper' as though it was a comedy. The names, the comments, the bullshit – it was endless. Nothing bemused me more than going to Mass with people, only to hear them say that it would've been better if the c_____ had been wiped out straight after it. People who think themselves Catholics and Christians are planning to vote 'no'. Do they seriously think Jesus would he siding with the 'no' camp? I can only thank God I have the father that I do, who ensured I grew up with empathy in my heart and understanding in my head. (Thanks, Dad.)
In the end, I hope people can simply accept the fact that for so many people, this matters in a way that can scarcely be expressed. It's not an election, or daylight savings or a grand final or anything so paltry; it's validation or invalidation of who they are and their right to self-determine. It's not divisive, despite what the fearmongers say. It's a fair go. A nod of acceptance, a commitment from all Australians to keep trying to make things better.
Like I said, it's been a tough couple of weeks. It's hard work trying to stay positive, trying to change one mind at a time. Because I'm all in. This is a make-or-break hand.
Just give us a chance, would you? Is that so much to ask?